Vision impairment, mental disabilities, deaf or hearing problems, autism and the list goes on. We all have heard, read, studied about these disabilities. The moment we hear, “Her child is suffering from a certain disability, we immediately start our research work and do what we like doing the most "judging”. Finding out where the person is lacking to fit our parameters. Right?
Autism we all know the meaning but do we really understand the word. The depth of this simple single word. Autism where the person faces difficulty in communicating and maintaining relationships as many labelled normal can.
But what I believe is more than the special child with this disability it is we, the so-called normal who fail to form relationships with them.
Especially with the parents of special kids. We still don't know what exactly they want, who they are and what we should do?
I call Mom's of special kids as Special and Precious mom's. Because they are true pillars of patience, the real iron ladies. Instead of being judgemental, and giving Muft Gyan and sympathy to them, instead of guiding them with baseless and number of the do's and don'ts we should set parameters for ourselves while being with them.
A list of Do's for the “normal” ones
- What can we really do for them is to be with them. Pick up their calls, give them space, time to open up. Show them the place where no prejudices exist. Where they won't be advised or judged without even sharing what they really want to.
- Involve them, make them a part of your get together.
- Give them the surety that it is not about your child and my child. It is about " our child". Kids are blessed souls because irrespective of their caste, colour, creed, parents, they get love from everyone. So even your child is our child.
- Most importantly, siblings need to understand why special care is given to their brother or sister. Else, non-acceptance from their own blood will create more problems.
- Also, Precious Mom's need some me time, they are deprived of it since always. Let these mom's have their peaceful me time then this would be a huge help to them.
Let's not say I can understand what you must be going through because it is a harsh reality we can never understand, we can only do our best by saying " Let me know when you need me, I will be there at any moment."
A list of Don'ts for the “normal” ones
The list to be taken care of very seriously and sincerely.
- Stop giving them "extra attention". They don't really need it. They need respect, care but they are no way in need of the unwanted attention coming their way. So please for god's sake stop looking at them and their child with judgemental eyes in malls and parks. They are there just like you to have some leisure time with family so don't spoil it.
- Refrain from using this aid word, “At least.” C’mon, this may never console any lady who had a miscarriage if you say to her, ‘At least you know you can get pregnant.’ Just like that this may never console any precious mom, "At least your daughter is cute and beautiful."
- Do not over emphasis or do not overpraise. They want to be treated normally. Like, if they do some work on their own, like getting something for themselves which is kept at a height and more such daily chores, do not start over praising.
Let's Redefine our ABCs
- "Acceptance" is what is much needed rather than "Arrogance."
- "Believe" is their need rather than your own "belief."
- "Care" is what they need, and not your "consoling."
- "Depth" is what you need to decipher rather than being "deaf" to their problems.
- "Empathy" is all they are looking for.
- "Faith" they need the most and not your "fake" support.
- "Graceful behaviour" is what they expect from us rather than "graceless gestures."
- "Heart" is what needs space to open up, their "hardships" are already opened in front of all.
- "Initiative" from family and other support groups is needed now instead of their "incapability" excuses.
- "Joyful" life they need rather than your baseless "judgements."
At last, I would sum up with this beautiful Hindi song...
"किसी की मुस्कुराहटों पे हो निसार,
किसी का दर्द मिल सके तो ले उधार
जीना इसी का नाम है।"
This Article is written by Pinky Bajaj (SHEROES Community Member).
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